How to Deal with Social Anxiety when You Can't Get Access to Therapy?

Do you feel uncomfortable to interact with people? Do you feel overly conscious of yourself during social interactions and tend to strive for perfection to avoid feeling embarrassed? Do you find it hard to do things when others are watching you because you are afraid that every move you make is going to be scrutinized and judged? Do you often feel that you need to please others to fit in? If you answered ‘yes’ to most of these questions, you may be experiencing social anxiety, also known as social phobia.

Growing up, my parents often described me as shy due to my lack of confidence in most social situations. Over time, I started to believe that it’s just how it is, and I accepted that timidity was an inherent part of who I am.  It wasn’t until I was grown up enough to comprehend the concept of social anxiety that I realized I wasn’t just shy, but I had something called ‘social anxiety’. It reached its peak during my late teenage years, and it got to a point where it significantly hampered my interpersonal relationships and my day-to-day functioning - I found myself avoiding social situations, I feared being judged, struggled to maintain eye contact while engaging with people, felt extremely nervous when around strangers, and hated being imperfect because I felt that being perfect is the only way to get social approval. The worst part was that I could never say “no”, which perpetuated my anxiety further.

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Before delving into social anxiety, it is important to know what exactly is ‘anxiety’. Medline Plus defines anxiety as “a feeling of fear, dread, and uneasiness. It might cause you to sweat, feel restless and tense, and have a rapid heartbeat.”

Social anxiety can be felt or experienced in various ways. According to the American Psychological Association, “social anxiety is the fear of social situations in which embarrassment may occur (e.g., making conversation, meeting strangers, dating) or there is a risk of being negatively evaluated by others (e.g., seen as stupid, weak, or anxious). Social anxiety involves apprehensiveness about one’s social status, role, and behavior. When the anxiety causes an individual significant distress or impairment in functioning, a diagnosis of social phobia may be warranted.”

Social anxiety is a very common human experience and one may encounter it at least once in their lifetime. When it reaches a point where it impairs one’s day-to-day functioning, it is referred to as social anxiety disorder.

According to NCBI, social anxiety typically emerges during adolescence or childhood, and often goes unrecognized or misinterpreted as introversion or simply, shyness. Besides these, the stigma surrounding mental health in the society is another reason behind why it is poorly recognized or not talked about enough.

Since I couldn’t get access to therapy when I was dealing with social anxiety as a teenager, I figured that I needed to take matters into my own hands. This realization came to me from a deep sense of helplessness which motivated me to find ways to deal with it, and I committed myself to overcoming it. I believe that the need to change comes from within - while therapy can provide valuable support, true progress hinges on one’s inner motivation and willingness which guides us towards that change. 

After extensive research, I found some ways to deal with social anxiety. Implementing these helped me overcome it, and I hope it helps you too!

Learn to recognize and replace thoughts about negative outcomes with positive ones.

When faced with a social situation that is triggering, you might overemphasize the potential negative outcomes rather than looking at the positive ones, leading to heightened anxiety. For example, you might worry that you will trip and fall in front of a room full of people and embarrass yourself, which perhaps makes you feel anxious before you even enter the room.

In situations like these, try to replace the thoughts about negative outcome with positive ones. For example, instead of focusing on the negative outcome, think that you will enter the room, interact with everyone confidently and leave a positive impression. This will not only help you manage anxiety, but also help you gain confidence.

Think rationally about negative outcomes.

If you are unable to dismiss thoughts about negative outcome, try to practically think things through. For example, if you cannot stop thinking about falling in front of a room full of people, remind yourself that it is normal to fall and that you are a human being, and making mistakes and being imperfect is a part of being human. Embrace being imperfect as an opportunity to grow.

Face your fears.

I know that it sounds daunting, but think about it - the more you expose yourself to something, the more comfortable you get with it, right? Thus, the more you expose yourself to a situation that causes anxiety in you, the less anxious you may feel over time. If you are thinking that it is hard, let me tell you that it is indeed hard, and you might want to not do it, but that shouldn't deter you. It definitely feels comfortable to stay in a bubble and avoid any anxiety-inducing social situation, but if you want to overcome social anxiety, you must step out of that bubble and face it. Obviously, it doesn’t happen in one go but you can take small steps. 

Exposure to anxiety-inducing situations incrementally can reduce discomfort in the long run. For example, if you feel uncomfortable to go grocery shopping alone, try to face it more often! On the first day, go grocery shopping with someone. The next day, go alone and spend five minutes or so in the there. Gradually increase the time spent each day - maybe 15 to 20 minutes the next day, and a solid half an hour to 40 minutes the day after. This way, expose yourself to the anxiety-provoking situation little by little, until you can navigate these situations independently without any discomfort.

Practice relaxation techniques.

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Meditation, muscle relaxation, and yoga are some great ways to deal with social anxiety. These techniques help alleviate stress and promote calmness. Taking deep breaths when faced with an anxiety-inducing situation helps provide relief. Another way to deal with anxiety is through practicing mindfulness – where you direct your attention towards the present moment and what’s happening around you instead of focusing on thinking about the past or future. Using the 3 3 3 rule of anxiety may also help you deal with the situations, where you try to name 3 things you can see, 3 body parts you can move or feel and 3 things you can hear.

It takes time to deal with social anxiety, as it demands patience and perseverance. You cannot expect the process of breaking free of it to be a walk in the park. Set realistic goals, take small steps towards achieving them and celebrate your victories. Focus on the journey and take necessary actions while staying true to yourself in the process. With time and dedication, you will cultivate strength and confidence, and instead of fearing social situations, you will start embracing them. Remember to be kind to yourself and maintain faith throughout the process. You can do it!